Make friends with your enemies

The next Utah State Legislative Session is still months away, but lines already are forming on key issues.

Among Utah Association of Special Districts members, that means meeting with legislators, doing homework on issues of concern and, on occasion, running into people who sometimes just aren’t very nice.

We all know the sort. They lurk in office settings, on church committees and at our children’s schools. These adversaries simply don’t see eye-to-eye with us. The trick here, whether at the Capitol or the company water-cooler, is communicating with them without mirroring their negative outlook.

Here are a few tips:

• Be charitable in your approach. Some call it “polished insincerity.” We prefer to think of it as refusing to add fuel to the fire. Be polite and maybe even find a word of honest praise. Set the tone! It could open their ears to what you have to say, if only to catch still another positive thing you have to say about them.
• Keep your eye on the goal. What have you learned from the encounter, particularly if the person with whom you are speaking is on the other side of a critical issue? How does that fit into the argument you will ultimately make in your defense? A kind approach, not only in words but in body language, encourages discussion. Mentally take notes on what’s said.
• Respect your adversaries’ opinions. At the same time, believe enough in your own position to make your point in a positive, sincere manner once you’ve earned their respect. Who knows? Maybe you’ll win them over to your side!

We’re all sure to run into people like this in life. Just keep in mind the wise words of President Abraham Lincoln. “Do I not destroy my enemies,” he said, “when I make them my friends?”